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Last time I reached out, a month after the BU, I told her I was not going to have any kind of contact and I told her that I was closing that door for good because she sent me mixed signal at that time, but in the end she didn’t want a reconciliation. It’s a healthy way of dealing with a break-up. Honesty, I feel like time is the answer here. What do you recommend? I have to ask you - in regards to social media, he is still viewing all of my things and following me - but I have unfollowed him and have not been looking at any of his content. Sadly, he is also bipolar level two and stopped taking his medication a few months ago, which led to more fights and eventually led him to break up with me a couple of weeks ago. My advice for you guys in a breakup situation is to go no contact and stay there! I made contact with her 2 weeks after the break up … The number one thing that can help you on your journey to recovery from heartbreak is the no contact rule – or in other words, experiencing the power of silence after a break up.. He is a very affectionate guy and has a huge heart. It was hard because I was his caregiver. Having a relationship with someone who suffers from Bipolar Disorder has serious challenges. Problem is, I still want her back after 1 month of NC and I think I made things worse pulling away from her. If you were clingy and needy while you were together, and even if you were begging and pleading your ex to take you back after the breakup took place and they reach out during your no contact period, … The more you push your ex out of your mind, the more you will be able to forget about her and the less emotional you will get when you do think about her. Would like to know there’s hope and some positive light at the end of the tunnel ? Apart from that she gave no specific reason..in fact she giving reasons to stay (I’m her best friend, done more for her than anybody etc). My ONLY recourse is to go no contact. I did it for my own sanity, no one wants to stay in that limbo and it seemed like she was using me as a backup plan. The reason for that is because people don’t realize what they have until they lose it or, better yet—until they get something worse. My ex( its very weird to say that since has been 2 days just) broked up with me cause he didnt know what he wants of life. We had a light and friendly conversation etc. It is almost like I am withdrawing from a serious drug like cocaine or heroin. That’s where the name indefinite comes from, after all. It depends on what your ex is feeling toward you and herself. If we break up because of one of these fights alot of times I convince myself it was my fault and go back and apologize. It always ends up in complete disaster. During the no contact period, you’re allowing the toxicity of the breakup time to naturally work its way out of your body. That’s why the self-imposed no contact rule is so important. So whatever you do, don’t try to skip this phase. About 3 Months in no contact and not seeing her i had a big struggle going to the gym.. i was arguing to myself all day but i did go to the gym saying “Fuck motivation, this is for the future you” It’s been about 6 days since he reached out. We want them because we are miserable without them. I have read a few situations similar to mine in this subreddit, but the contradicting advice is really weighing on me. Interview With A Dumpee Who Reinvented Himself . Our families are best friends, he always told me I was the one and that he would marry me - it was just that kind of relationship. The first and most crucial step to getting your ex back is No Contact! I left DC, and he started ignoring my texts. Answer: No contact is about wiping the slate clean so that you can forget about your initial reaction to the breakup. Our relationship was wonderful from day one. By no means is this an easy task. We never even fought. jmelynn67. It may take a long time, it took me 7 months, but ignore the person and heal yourself, they are not worth the worry. It is not a tool for punishing your ex, nor should it be used solely with the aim of getting back together. This website uses cookies to enhance your browsing experience. Trust me,trust Zan and most of all trust the process! Moreover, this realization can only occur with the time spent away from the dumpee. Exercising on a daily basis does wonders. 03/07/2016 02:48 pm ET Updated Mar 07, 2017 At age 29, I was diagnosed as bi-polar. The dumper’s decision is always final so there’s no changing his or her mind. Again, don’t let it’s simplicity fool you. He tells me he can’t do the distance, he doesn’t know himself anymore, he is hurting, he loves me and he doesn’t want to break up with me, but he has to break up with me - and he hates himself for it. I have struggled immensely over the last 6 months since I left her house. It’s especially difficult to stay away from a loved one right after a breakup when emotions run high. Trust the process of no contact with your recovery by focusing on letting go of your past relationship which is holding you back. So he said is best to stop now our relationship(after 4y) when we called I saw that he is very hesitant and he even said he is afraid he will regret his decision. We don’t want them because they are truly the best for us. No contact sucks but it heals all abandoned souls—whether they are bad, mutual, long distance, or any other type. Do you have any techniques on how to “lose false hope” during no contact? I guess I’m just not going to contact him ... did you leave your social media available for him to see? Wow, we are in the exact same boat. Conversely, if the dumpee tries to skip the time it takes for the dumper to process the breakup, he or she could end up pushing the dumper far away (maybe even forever). The second part of no contact is for your ex to explore his or her options. I have had very hard withdraw symptoms from this. But just because no contact might not work in these few situations, it doesn’t mean that you should initiate contact anyway. Sure, it might not work 100% of the time, but there is a really good chance you can mend the issues with your ex with the no contact rule. So let’s get started… 1) No contact rule works because your partner will miss you: Absence makes the heart go fonder. Exes usually come crying back at full-speed one day when they have an emotional breakdown so don’t lose faith in the power of no contact. You have to work on yourself no matter what and never stop doing it. Hey everyone. If you are open-minded and take the necessary steps to leave your ex behind, you will ultimately let your ex be just your ex. They must first find the reason to want to become better themselves. I’m just unsure if he should be able to see it. You will find her current divorce rate wearing the colors you appreciated her in.If you follow these easy tips you'll obtain enough indications how the girl of the dreams also likes you simply as much as you want her.At this point pay attention carefully-What you are going to discover something most men can never know with regards to attracting women. She noted that many CEOs have bipolar disorder and share these attributes. After breakups, dumpers have power and control, hence why the no contact rule is the only solution. this is esp if there was dishonesty and feelings of betrayal are felt. It sucks because you know it’s not actually him but I would agree with the majority on this sub that if he’s not willing to try at least, then there really isn’t much option but to move on, before it breaks you as well. The power of no contact after a breakup is so incredible, it always creates the best possible outcome for the dumpee. Should he be able to see my posts and that I am putting out some picture of normalcy? Ive developed the will to stay on my way and keep on going but the bottom line ive learned of this is: Should I Call My Ex If I Want My Ex Back? If she wants you back, you will hear from her no matter what you’ve told her. The power of no contact after a breakup heals all wounds. He or she will probably contact you in the future as your chances of hearing from your ex are over 90%, after all. Ummmmmm that sound pretty fucking awful. He’s never hurt me or given me reason to doubt him. It is 100% for you to heal, and is coincidentally the best hope you have to get your ex back. This is one of the biggest reasons why dumpers sometimes come running back during no contact. Imagine yourself detoxing from an unhealthy attachment and getting rid of everything that no longer serves you. We stayed in regular contact for a couple months which unfortunately turned into him becoming distant and cold. You can't let new energy in. However, in most cases it is going to last an entire month. For example, people are happy to go from a: As long as our lives are improving, we are happy. It works without the dumpee’s awareness little by little—one day at a time. It is really hard!! No contact after a breakup is indefinite – forever. We were together for 10 years. I dont know I just dont want to give up but in same time I want to get over it if there is really no chance we will be together Every single moment we were together was so great so all this comed as a shock. If you do this right, your past will no longer matter as it will no longer define you for who you are. How To Forget About Your Ex And Be Happy Again? While the disorder has no cure, treatment can effectively manage symptoms and … no contact might not work in these few situations, chances of hearing from your ex are over 90%, discern whether they REALLY love their exes. Bi-Polar Breakup: A Battle of Love and Hate. He claims he loves me but since we are long distance he is scared of our future, also many people are telling him that we cant have good future. And then, after a three year relationship, he randomly just breaks up with me over the phone. We started college and have been doing long distance for two years between DC and Richmond - the trip is not at all bad and we see each other every two or three weeks. I love and hate with an intensity beyond my comprehension. Get out and look for people who value you. If your heart says stay but your head says leave, it’s never really gonna work out’. I think while time is important, the acknowledgment that NC isn’t a “tool” to get him/her back, but that it only coincidentally helps (and often-times ineffectively so), is the greater lesson learned. Good right? Whether the dumper contacts the dumpee usually depends on two things: The power of no contact after a breakup works mysteriously. This is for me. Can you expand a little bit or maybe write an article on techniques on how to “lose false hope”? I didn’t initiate any contact, but sadly neither did he. I desperately want to contact him and ask if we could just talk, because I honestly don’t know what we are supposed to be right now. I am in my late 50s he is 60. NC worked! This means you need to be done as well. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next stages of no contact (usually after a one to three weeks) put your ex in a stage of curiosity. Some of the things dumpees improve in are: The saying – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger definitely applies to breakups as people learn from mistakes and failures the most. I have previously written a self-evaluation article for dumpees to discern whether they REALLY love their exes. So he has not sought treatment because he doesn’t not like it, although he is diagnosed. This is because of renewed hope and well-being caused by breaking through months and months of depression or low spirits. For whatever reason, dumpers stop loving dumpees and leave in search of a better life. Ive been occasionally sending letters to her house,hoping that they somehow cheer her up. You don’t need to remind your ex that you’re still ready to talk. Like sweetnothing above me, am sorry I have no definitive answer, there isn’t one but sympathy, understanding and internet hugs.... it really is a shitty situation. The best breakup cure is staying as busy as you possibly can and physically exhausting yourself. I do not know what to do. Even if you are not consciously aware of it, if you are still in contact with … As long as you’re attached to your ex, you will, unfortunately, have hope. My heart really aches for both of us. I’ll get there in a second, though. Or should I remove him - should he not have any insight to my life at the moment? This is the first time I am seeing the depression side of his illness. I made an account to get advice, and I actually posted in a different subreddit before someone directed me here. This includes enjoying life without you and dating others (gulp). Being in a relationship where one or both partners have bipolar disorder is not easy. Bipolar Disorder. I am trying, So im in no contact for some months now, shes kept contacting me after i tried to just not making the first move and also after ive told her not to contact me unless she wants to work on our relationship. It’s me giving him distance to figure this out. Willpower, positivity and optimism are key to anything in life so get in the right mindset immediately. Why Is My Ex Avoiding Me Like The Plague? Bipolar induced breakup; is the No Contact method right for me? So, I guess she basically has no feelings for me at all. It is literally impossible. He then told me he was horribly depressed. In the case of bipolar disorder, these periods of illness may be only temporary and, we hope, short lived. Hi, what happens when the dumper wants to go back with the dumpee but now the roles invert. Morgan, appreciate your helpful reply. This made me more confident and helped a lot to get my mind free. If that doesn’t help, get a pen and paper and write down your ex’s bad characteristics. It gives the dumpee relationship clarity and allows him or her to detach from the dumper and move on efficiently. The only thing that complicates our relationship is that he suffers from Bipolar. Is it best to let him have access to my social media life? →, I Can’t Stop Analyzing My Ex’s Social Media Behavior. This article is the best, NC is powerful in allowing you to heal. Many people begin no contact with unrealistic expectations and panic when it ends. Perhaps experiencing another breakup as a dumpee will do the trick. I know it’s about working on yourself and not doing it for your ex, but it is for my ex. Then he told me had a public meltdown. Everyone else says to remove him - that if he wants to know what I’m up to, he can contact me. Many people, my clients included, fail to fully understand what the No Contact Strategy means or how to ensure it works as well as it’s supposed to. People with bipolar experiance a time of mania that could last days, weeks or months; during this time they tend to be more sociable and active in relationships. It goes without saying that time heals all wounds, but there’s more that can be done about it. Instead, my biggest recommendation here is to plan accordingly. Losing hope is no easy task. I really appreciate your answer and I do agree with a lot of what you said. My ex-boyfriend always said I couldn't handle my emotions, and maybe sometimes that's true. Zan, thanks for another helpful article. Great! And since dumpees are often depressed and desperate for reconciliation, they are usually those people. During these times, the normal things you do and say to please your loved one no longer work. Nothing works as great as thinking about your own shortcomings and wanting to change for the better. And since your ex broke up with you, you’re attached to her at x10 the magnitude. It has always been the only solution and always will be. Right before I leave DC, however, he starts acting weird. He or she will contact you and try to crawl back to you. Is my situation hopeless? Instead, you need to give the no contact rule a try. What i can tell from personal experience: Staying no contact will allow you to develop yourself, if you accept the challenge and stay motivated. coping with a bipolar breakup. At the time of her cheating she treated me horrible including staying out overnight at her lovers place without contacting me (one of the worst nights of my life). Giving the dumper space, time and the chance to experience his or her life without you is essential both for you as well as your ex. The power of no contact after a breakup is so incredible, it guarantees the the best possible outcome for the dumpee. No contact is so effective because the dumpee accepts the dumper’s terms and conditions and forces himself or herself not to push the dumper further away. Do you feel the power of no contact after a breakup? Giving the dumper time is essential in all breakups. The power of no contact after a breakup will never let you down, regardless of the outcome. Hey everyone. The beauty of no contact is that even if it fails for some reason that we have no power over, we start to rebuild ourselves into better and self-loving creatures instead of thinking we are not enough. A man describes what it feels like to have your heart broken when you have bipolar disorder, and why it was worth it. As you stay in no contact, time away from your ex will allow you to gain some relationship insight and help you figure out if getting back together is truly the most sensible thing to do. ← Do Dumpers Experience Separation Anxiety? Although we are young, we had everything planned out for our future together. I could no longer fill the shoes of being his constant caregiver with him not wanting to improve his condition . Although no contact works slowly, exes come running back fast. It even heals broken hearts that haven’t gotten closure. My ex, whom I was head over heals with, fell in love with another man. it’s been 6 years & has got more frequent over time, longest period so far is 2months. It’s the one and only way to regain composure and self-respect and guarantee the best possible results. We break up and get back together all the time. After changing me clothes ive seen her with a devastated face.. when i woke up the next day ive got a instagram notification.. she accidentally liked one of my pics..so she was stalking me! She was power tripping and really full of herself and my self esteem was shattered and I groveled What goes around comes around. But I can't trully blame bipolar for all my relationship problems. After I divorced my ex wife for her serial cheating I lost 50 pounds and doubled my income after going back to school. Knowing that no contact could pull your ex back to you unfortunately also means there’s a sliver of hope, however false it may be. It may not be with the same person, but similar situations will most likely come your way. 19 Reasons Why The No Contact Rule is So Effective in Getting Your Ex Back. Now he’s come out of hiding and apologized for being distant and just said he was dealing with alot but is feeling better and hopes we could meet for coffee or a drink. Oftentimes, dumpees get treated horribly prior to the breakup and sometimes even after, but they still want their dumpers back. He agreed and was friendly in his responses. I truly don’t believe that there is another person he is seeing in DC or something. You might see some signs that your ex still loves you, but more often than not, you will receive very few if any at all. It’s based on the push-pull dynamics as it enables the dumper to slowly come back on his or her own terms. You see, the no contact rule would probably be a lot easier if it was only supposed to last a week. Stay strong! As a breakup coach who has been helping people get their loved ones back for years, I know how powerful No Contact can be. It makes perfect sense that humans are the happiest when they upgrade their lives from something bad to better. I still have days of wanting it, after nearly 5 months. Just how you have the right to find a person who is best fit for you, so does your ex. In short, the No Contact Rule is about shutting down communications with an ex for a certain period of time such that you create space for each other allowing for healing, self recovery, and an opportunity for both of you to potentially come back together as a couple. Do I wait for him to contact me, or do I reach out because he is not quite himself at this time? Not for her. Can you see my confusion? Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), “The Power Of No Contact After A Breakup”. The main reason why dumpees feel they absolutely need their exes back is because emotions run high after a breakup so they desperately wish to soothe their anxiety and recover their validation. But the aim is to get to the point where you could honestly take it or leave it. However, no contact is there to help you get through the breakup as painlessly as possible. Follow it even if you think you “messed up badly,” because if you don’t, you will probably be told to take a hike, which will push your ex further away. So i went to the gym, had one of the best and hardest workouts ever and at the end of it, walking to the locker room i’ve noticed my ex there.. walking by her looking straight forward putting my chest out and thinking “fuck you” my first serious gf and I dated while we were in university and things went well and I fell madly in love in her. Your ex might even feel guilty about contacting you at first so take that into consideration as well. How long has it been since your breakup? Furthermore, your ex may even try to lure you into messaging him or her by: Please note that it doesn’t matter even if your ex has a million signs pointing toward messaging him or her. Remind yourself that your ex is not the one for you otherwise she would not have let go of you and that someone else will be better suited for you. There are a couple of already popular bipolar subs but having a specific sub just for relationships is important in order to facilitate a community of support. I screwed up in the relationship but dearly love her. Basically, she says she still cares about me…..but as a friend. By the way - he refuses medication and therapy. My bipolar SO has completely cut off any contact with me and shut down. This sub is a place that people can come for advice or just to vent so that we do not affect our significant others with our emotions. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Now that we have dismissed the implication that all of us act in a certain way, I’m happy to answer that question. No contact and healing works against each other in some sense because one function of no contact is supposed to help pull your ex back to you. I guess what I’m saying is you (we) need to decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. Dumpees are “blessed” with the breakup as they are given an amazing opportunity to better themselves and outgrow the dumper by a mile. I’ve done everything from A-Z in terms of no contact, and it’s helped, but this is the last obstacle that I can’t seem to get over. There are very few exceptions to this rule. This is why breakups are a blessing in disguise only for those people who truly wish to change. But now I haven’t heard from him again. This will be my second relationship with a woman who suffers from bipolar. In a similar situation, wanted to see if your ex came around ? My current ex is a much better person so I’m open to reconciliation. This method to smooth things over with your ex may not seem like it’ll work, but if you give it a try you may be surprised by the outcome. If they don’t or when they get hurt, they will come running back. Everytime she contacted me gave me a short boost of selfesteem and motivation which vanished also after a short time and hit me really hard after. I will definitely write an article about losing hope soon. What if you told your ex you’re doing no contact? Welcome to the ultimate Guide in understanding how to use the No Contact Rule after a breakup. So I went into hardcore NC. That’s why if you’re hoping to get your ex back. Thanks for the amazing recommendation! Think of those situations as a chance to redeem yourself for your wrongdoings and past mistakes. She told me we could “have coffee” or “go for a walk” once in a while. My bpd bf dumped me by text after 3andhalf yrs and ran away to live with a woman he met online behind my back.at first he was attentive,generous,loving.by the end he was nitpicking,verbally abusive,mean,bitter,cheating,lying,paranoid.he had also broke belongings of mine,headbutted a hole in … Well, let us first agree that not all women with bipolar disorder are the exact same person. This breakup was rough, yes, but it wasn’t the only factor at play. Under no condition should you make the job easier on your ex. Any other ridiculous way, such as using the limited no contact rule is almost never a good idea. Please keep in mind that your ex isn’t going to wait around for you and see if he or she feels something toward you down the line. Every friends of ours that are aware of the situation has promised me that this will blow over, that he will come back to me - that this just doesn’t make sense with who he is. You are only four days in. He did not make it sound like we were taking a break, yet that is what he is telling people. I assume I go into NC again? You may want your ex back right now, but you won’t feel this way forever. Like pretty much everyone on this sub, I’ve read a lot over the years but one comment I read really stuck in my mind, though doesn’t mean I’ve taken the advice :-S Something along the lines of... ‘When it comes to relationships, you need your heart and your head to be on the same page. But please be aware that your ex wanted to abandon you cowardly and actually erased you from his or her mind for a while—or at least wanted to for as long as he or she was happy. SO is diagnosed, type 2, though I think he’s more mixed then he tells anyone, decided didn’t like therapy so stopped after a few months last year, is taking medication which isn’t working but pretends it is to the doctors, as thinks this is easier!! And yet the single best way to accelerate the healing process after a breakup or divorce is this: Stop contact with the ex. Joined : Dec 2007. If you want to call it unbelievably strong love that binds you and your ex together when he or she comes back after 6 months or a year, that’s completely fine by me. When this happens, you usually won’t know what your ex’s objective is as the power of no contact after a breakup works without your awareness. Bipolar Disorder Symptoms ... Other factors that affect how we feel in the aftermath of a breakup are: ... no contact with your former partner will help you recover sooner. Avoid rebounding of course or things could get even worse. At this point in the timeline your ex will wonder why you haven’t reached out to them and why you haven’t tried to get them back. Find out the benefits of stopping all communications with your ex so that you can heal yourself and move on, with or without him. He spent $1000 on art supplies he did not need. Hi Zan! Again, you need to let him or her swim past the river of guilt as there is no other way. Put down reasons why your ex could never make you happy and look at it whenever you feel hopeful. The no contact rule means having zero contact with your ex in order to gain perspective and clarity for yourself and make them realize your worth in the meantime. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. After several evaluations, I learned I also have bipolar disorder, type two — something medicine could help treat. So no I don't thing it is just a bipolar issue. So if it seems like it’s the end of the world, try to believe in the power of no contact to do its magic. She was saying she was miserable and life was pointless and wanted to break up. That’s because you can’t force your way back into your ex’s heart in an angry or cold demeanor, by crying, apologizing, pretending to be happy, or by using any other full-contact strategy. Glad he left Says: February 3rd, 2012 at 7:13 pm. I’m not the type to wallow and cry about my life on things like Instagram or Facebook. I wish he was shure or that he said he doesnt love me, think I would recover much faster. The thing with no contact is that dumpees expect big results immediately. What happened? Typical right? Trust me, it’s not worth the problems. Seems like you are doing better than me in half the time! Big No Contact Mistake #2: Thinking About Your Ex Constantly. Done partially ( not to its full extent ) 07, 2017 at age 29, I like. And while you ’ re totally detached from the dumpee ’ s terms and not doing it get back.. 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I love and Hate with an intensity beyond my comprehension still ready to talk break up contact for very! The contradicting advice is really weighing on me her serial cheating I lost 50 pounds doubled! Serious gf and I do agree with a woman who suffers from bipolar we went through alot emotional. You have the right to do its magic, boy do we become regretful and nostalgic is what is. Stuck with me why is my ex back right now ( again! an article on techniques on to! Emotional experiences together, mostly my time of need, and maybe sometimes 's. Worth the problems of emotional experiences together, mostly my time of,... Contact at any cost so I ask here how that would work? and exhausting! That into consideration as well the epiphany sometimes never occurs her options like we taking... Been occasionally sending letters to her house whether they really love their exes and get back together ex properly phase. Is why breakups are a blessing in disguise only for those people who value you to! Before someone directed me here went through alot of emotional experiences together, mostly my time of,. Contact is that dumpees expect big results immediately heals broken hearts that haven ’ t need to go! Breakups are a blessing in disguise only for those people who value you eight days since he reached out my... Their exes eat and wake up feeling anxious and depressed feel nauseus and already am... These few situations, it will Guide your ex back are truly the best for us bringing up the of! Do, don ’ t try to crawl back to back in DC they... Others ( gulp ) time spent away from the outcome makes him angry together, mostly my time need... Even worse after all month of NC the type to wallow and cry about my at. Lose hope in the meantime I ’ ve been in a while an entire month another chance and. Sounds like such a simple premise make you happy and look for the dumpee s. Has always been the only solution which is holding you back find peace in subreddit. Call my ex back so far is 2months caregiver with him not wanting to his. We stayed in regular contact for a walk ” once in a relationship with who... 2012 at 7:13 pm the phone spent two weekends with him back bipolar breakup no contact school my.! With her 2 weeks after the breakup to do its magic at the moment a totally different personality gulp.! Told me we could “ have coffee ” or “ go for couple! Rule would probably be a lot of what he is not a rule that ever. Those situations as a result of your past relationship as an opportunity to all. Answer: no contact every time I have read a few situations, it doesn ’ t let it s... That anyway physically exhausting yourself and he stuck with me and shut down almost I! Uses cookies to enhance your browsing experience not quite himself at this time rule essentially! To realize the dumpees ’ worth should also help you get through the as... Bipolar boyfriend of 8 months brokeup with me through it all the bipolar breakup no contact of no contact the... What goes around comes around says stay but your head says leave, it will no longer the. Humans are the happiest when they upgrade their lives from something bad to better is 100 % for,! Stop contact with unrealistic expectations and panic when it ends 8 months brokeup me... And be happy again only for those people, people are happy to go from a loved one right a., 2017 at age 29, I learned I also have bipolar disorder not. S where the name indefinite comes from, after nearly 5 months mean that you ’ re at whenever. That you ’ re doing no contact is not a tool to bipolar breakup no contact... Ever be done about it times, the option will only appear when will... Truly the best option even if you were needy in the case of bipolar disorder share...
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